confusions and simple paths

for the past three months i have lived my life on the basis that since i no longer have to worry about college, i will live how i desire. this has led to my working life being one of instability. i currently work with kids at a camp on weekends and then do basic manual labor for my church and former high school. when not working i drive two hours up to see my girlfriend at her college. this has been my life for three months. i had job offers at other places but decided that those did not reach to my aspirations of somehow becoming a free man able to do all that he deemed worthy of effort. now i realize that i have made a mistake. first, living that kind of lifestyle will put oneself in a hole. not financially, rather it will lead to a hole mentally, physically, and spiritually. a life of no structure is one that does not allow for investment or enjoyment. i have had fun several times, but overall, i have been tired and miserable. this has led to me now looking for a more stable work environment and lifestyle. i still have my aspirations and dreams, but those cannot be attained without first planning and working towards them. you cannot simply float into what you hope for. i do not have the same dreams as many of those around me. but to attain them i must become accountable to myself, at the least. that was the more serious side of things, now for some simple fun.

last week i journeyed onto the Appalachian trail in the Smoky Mountains. i spent three days on that trail with a good friend, Jonathan. what i can tell you is that the leaves always look best in fall in those mountains and that many interesting people were met. it is always a kind of purification in the woods. no tv, no radio, just the silence that leads to fellowship with others. your mind starts the trail swirling with thoughts and ideas moving so fast you can barely breath. but by that third day, it has calmed so that one can look into their being and reflect on who they are and what they desire. its the simplicity of those things that reminds me that i desire too much of this world instead of realizing that around me i already have everything i need. family, friends, love, these are the things God Himself has provided for us. it does us all good to sit and listen sometimes. listen to the silence of nature, i think it is then that we hear best. in the end it was a beautiful hike. it was refreshing, challenging, and rewarding. i look forward to my next hike. hopefully i will finish the smoky mountain national park trail soon. until next time...